Writing Break

I am back! I went on holiday last week and ended up taking a writing break. Ben and I rented a villa in Dubrovnik with my friend Angela and her husband Chris. We went last Saturday and stayed for a full 7 days. It was beautiful. Croatia is lovely, and I miss the slow pace already. Every morning we woke up and had breakfast on the terrace. We could see the Old Town below us, Lokrum (an island) in front, and the sea stretching all the way past the horizon. I will do a full holiday post later (since Ben has all the photos on his phone), but I had some thoughts about holidays that I wanted to share...

Yoga on the balcony...do I look enlightened?

 I had a marvellous time on holiday. It was great to unwind, spend some time with the people closest to me and get in touch with nature. However, I couldn't let go of my anxiety. It was always present, persistently hanging at the back of my mind. We had Wifi at the apartment, and every time I got home  I immediately checked my work email and messages. Although I do feel more relaxed now, it wasn't enough for me to totally let go. It was a small, lovely break in my life- but it wasn't enough to transform my life.

Beautiful view...but not enough!

I've realised that I'm the type of person that needs my entire life to be in balance. I see life as a work in progress towards a greater, more meaningful goal. I cannot tolerate living in a way that is not consistent with my values. At the moment, I feel my life is very unbalanced. My work, although stable with fantastic opportunities for career progression, is not suited to me. As a consequence, I feel like I need to 'escape' by pursuing instant gratification- such as shopping and going on holiday. I consider myself to be someone who is self-aware, and immensely focused on personal development. I'm happy that I have these thoughts and am able to dissect them, but it doesn't take away from my present malaise. 

Writing this blog has been good for me. I think I am the only one who reads it, but I still enjoy writing for my imaginary audience! I love writing and exploring my thoughts. Someone once told me that writing should be my 'play time' and I should write without goals or expectations. I created this blog to do that, and every time I write a post it feels like a little personal achievement.

Me and Angela

My relationships, my health and my quest for meaning are all very important to me. At the end of the day, I need to focus on what matters.