Why saying no is important

Written 25/08/2015

Why saying no is important

Learning how to say no is a difficult, yet essential skill. People who can’t say no help others at the expense of themselves, which results in feeling overwhelmed, drained and guilty. Saying no not only helps you, but it also helps other people. 

1)      There is a difference between saying no and ‘being mean’

People often think saying no to something is being mean, and it’s easy to see why this is the case. When you say no to someone, they often interpret as you being mean or unhelpful, and this is exacerbated when you like the person you are rejecting. Repeat to yourself:

SAYING NO IS NOT A PERSONAL REJECTION!

You must learn how to separate the person from the request. If some anonymous person who you knew nothing about had asked it, would you feel the same way towards it? Would you feel obligated to say yes? Learn how to separate the request from the person asking. By doing this, you give the request your full attention, rather than muddling it with your emotions. In the workplace especially, requests should not be emotionally charged. You may offend people who have not realised this by saying no, but recognise that you have no personal obligation to do something just because someone asked you to.

2)      Saying no helps everyone

If you take on duties you don’t want and are not obligated to do, this drains your time and energy. You won’t be your best self, which means any work you do for that person will not be as high quality as it could have been. Expectations and resentment from both sides may grow. In short, accepting requests creates an imbalance, which can lead to hurt feelings and messiness.

Saying no ensures that you use your time and energy only for things that you care about and want to focus on. This allows you to be at your best, and you should always aim to do be at your best.  It also ensures the person asking can manage their expectations. They don’t want someone who will say yes out of obligation, and then do the work half-heartedly because they feel resentful or are too busy. Or, if they are constantly relying on people to help them out, saying no will teach them valuable life skills. Overall, saying no when you know the request is not right for you is actually more helpful in the long-run than saying yes. 

3)      People respect you when you say no

People think that saying yes to everything will make people like and respect them. This is not the case. You should always aim to be your best self. If you know something is going to detract from that, you should say no. This could be for a variety of reasons: you don’t have time, you don’t enjoy the work, you won’t learn anything from it, etc. If you say yes in spite of this, ultimately people will realise you don’t value your time and you have no direction, because if you did you would decline requests that are not in line with what you want. When you initially say no, people may react in an upset or disappointed way, but once they realise that you are prioritising yourself, they will respect you for it. If they don’t, and they resent you for saying no, then this is a great indicator that this person values themselves over you because no one should expect people to feel obligated to say yes to them.

Conclusion

Saying no is difficult, especially initially if you have always said yes to others. People don’t like hearing the word no, and as a result may be react negatively in the moment. Nonetheless, it is important to power through and see the big picture. Saying no is better for yourself and for others, because it ensures you will not commit to something you don’t want to do. By doing this, the person requesting a favour will either find someone else who is more committed, or if they often take advantage of others, will learn to do it themselves. Saying no will also help you, because it will ensure your time and energy is only spent on things that you want to do.