I identify as an introvert. My default state is to be alone. Still, I really enjoy interacting with people, and when I have energy I am actually quite friendly. Remember- just because you're an introvert doesn't mean you're shy or awkward. It just means you gain energy by being by yourself.
Since I've started working, I've struggled to find the balance between having alone time and being social. Too much alone time, and I feel lonely and crave connection. Too much socialising burns me out. It's been difficult, and in the past I have found myself trapped in cycles of spending too much time alone, which made me feel lonely, trapped and socially anxious. Here are some tips for getting a good balance:
1) Get into a routine
I am a big advocate of building a good routine for yourself. Some people think that routines reduce spontaneity, but I think routines can actually help you become more balanced and creative. Personally, I enjoy waking up early so I have time for myself in the morning. I like to do yoga, eat a leisurely breakfast, have coffee and read before going to work. I also like having lunch by myself, doing exercise in the evening and being in bed by 10. Obviously you can change your routine up- sometimes I see my friends in the evening, sometimes I go to the gym, sometimes I just stay at home! Still, I know the core activities stay the same, and find this extremely grounding. When you are certain you are going to do activities that fulfil you every single day, you have more energy to face potential social situations.
2) Don't feel pressurised to join in
Introverts often feel pressure to appear more extroverted, and worry they will come across as unfriendly if they don't socialise. This is a common issue, and unfortunately I believe there is some truth to this fear. Socialising is necessary sometimes; be it a team lunch, a friend's birthday or a family dinner. To combat this, know what events are important and decline the others. You don't have to go to every single event you're invited to. Ultimately, you're not an extrovert, and too much socialising will tire you out and make you poor company.
Does your team go out for lunch together every Friday? You might want to join in so you can maintain your relationships, but for the rest of the week feel free to eat your lunch alone. Is it your partner's birthday party? Probably best to go- but don't feel pressurised to go to your partner's distant cousin's wedding next weekend. In short, choose your social commitments wisely. As long as you know you'll have time to recharge later, you'll probably enjoy them!
3) Know your energy levels
To further help you choose what events to go to, you need to know what you enjoy and what you don't. For example, I know I hate big crowds and bars. It makes me very uncomfortable to be with lots of people I don't know, and I hate bars because they're noisy and I don't know where to stand. My partner has a large group of friends who like to drink and meet up at bars. I hate it. I know I would feel terribly awkward if I went and I would feel drained. On the other hand, I don't mind going to large dinners. If I know he's going to a bar with his friends, I always say no. If he's going to dinner with his friends, I'll occasionally say yes because I know I'll enjoy myself more.
4) Explain what being an introvert means
Being an introvert is nothing to be ashamed of. People will be more understanding if you explain you need time to yourself. You can graciously say, "I think I'd prefer to eat lunch by myself today. I've had a busy morning and need a lot of down time", and people won't think twice about it! Using the example above, my partner explained to his friends that I don't like socialising in big, noisy crowds and they understood. People react well when you open up to them. There's no reason to feel bad about needing time to recharge, so don't feel nervous about sharing this with others.
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