Introversion and Confidence

Introversion and Confidence

The link between introversion and confidence is a tricky subject. All too often, we think of confidence as being loud, gregarious and having a strong presence. Introverts generally have none of these traits- we are often quieter, and prefer not to be the centre of attention. It therefore may be difficult for introverts to be viewed as confident, even if we believe we are. I call this the ‘reality-expectations’ gap, and I myself have experienced it- even when I didn’t realise it was happening.

I had a meeting with my mentor last Friday, who is a partner at the professional services firm I work at. We both identify as introverts, which is what drew us to each other. During the past two years I have been working, I have received consistent feedback that I need to be more confident. I believe this is linked to my introversion: firstly because I come across as quiet, which may appear to be unconfident, and secondly because I feel pressure to be more gregarious, which makes me feel unconfident. I asked my mentor how I should approach this. The advice that she gave me blew me away:

1)      Confidence Affects Output

When I was explaining my situation to my mentor, the first thing she asked was specific examples of how my confidence has affected my output. I’ve never received feedback explicitly stating that my output has fallen due to my confidence- for example, being too shy to attend a meeting, or being too scared to ask questions. My feedback in the past has always been very positive, and there has never been an instance in my career where I have been too nervous to do something. 

The advice I was given changed my entire perspective: confidence affects output. If your output is being negatively influenced due to a personality trait, it needs to be fixed. If not, then it doesn’t. In my case, just because I have been given feedback that I was not confident doesn’t mean I have a problem. Not all feedback needs to be taken into consideration.

2)      The Confidence Model

As I mentioned before, there is currently a gap between people’s image of what confidence looks like, and what confidence actually is in reality. Following on from the point above, just because other people may view me as unconfident, doesn’t mean I am unconfident. It’s important to understand why others think of you as unconfident- for example, they may think you are too quiet, or because you are hesitant to do things without a plan. Neither are inherently bad traits- they’re just different, and they come with their own strengths and weaknesses. Introverts are not well understood in society. It’s our job to push back against the image of what confident people look like and make people question their views.

3)      Accept your Personality

If you are an introvert, you are an introvert. You cannot fundamentally change your personality. You can improve parts of it, but there is no point trying to change everything. The most important thing, for everyone, is to accept their personalities. It’s essential to understand who you are. By doing this, you can learn what your strengths & weaknesses are, and start working to your best ability. 

In my workplace, there is an expectation that everyone should be a ‘Type A’ performer. The typical loud, brash, extrovert who gets along with everyone, leads groups and work under high pressure deadlines in a minute’s notice. This is not met, at all. When I first started working, I felt a lot of pressure to conform to this ideal. It didn’t work. All I did was drain myself and make myself unhappy. Now, I have a much better understanding of my personality. Although I still feel pressure to be this ‘Type A’ personality, I am better at resisting it. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I try to find work that aligns to my personality. Knowing yourself is the key to doing better work. That way, you can move away from external expectations and begin to defy stereotypes.