Authenticity

I don't have much to write about today, but I'll write anyway in the hopes of finding a topic.

I've been sharing my career articles with my friend and boyfriend, and both have said they find them too formulaic. They'd both prefer it if my articles were more personal, which would make them more of a 'conversation starter'- in other words, make them think rather than telling them what to do.

The format of these articles comes very naturally for me. In my own life, I don't know what the hell I'm doing, but I find it extremely easy to see what other people should be doing. In fact, when I speak to people, I am able to grasp their moods and thoughts intuitively even when I'm in the middle of a conversation. I only realised this was a special skill when I started getting to know myself better, and when I learned about Myers Briggs. One of the reasons I like writing in this format is because this is my opportunity to give clear, straightforward advice. I find it hard to apply this advice to myself, but I  feel good when I can write it out in a way other people can easily follow.

My boyfriend asked me, 'why should other people listen to you?' This is a valid question. This is just my opinion, and I don't have any credentials and career experience. Still, I do recognise that it's a great skill to read people as well as I can. I hope that one day, people will read my articles, apply my advice and find it helpful. In the meantime, I'm going to continue writing and try to find my voice. People are drawn to authenticity, and at the moment my writing is very formulaic. I'm hoping to find a writing style that conveys both my personality and insight.

Mood lately...

To be honest, I haven't been feeling my best this weekend. I go into these spirals where I feel demotivated and cooped up in my life. I am trying my best to create a life I want to live, but sometimes I feel overwhelmed by the effort and it makes me feel useless. I hold myself to exceedingly high standards, and I beat myself up when I feel like I haven't met them. It's easy for me to feel like I'm in a rut, and everything goes downhill from there.

Sometimes I think I'm putting too much effort into this. I'm not a very 'fun' person- my idea of fun is investing in my personal development- and I think I need to start letting go of my expectations for myself. When I think too much, I lose my vision for the future and become confused. I really need to start trusting my instinct and giving myself space to play and think.

Some thoughts about my life:

- I hate having a 9-5 job. On the weekdays, I hate being forced into this routine when it doesn't match my body clock. It's very important for me to live a life that is intuitive to my body and personality, and I don't operate at my best when I am forced onto someone else's schedule. I am always tired and stressed on the weekdays, and on the weekends I indulge in too much sleep, screen time, unhealthy food, etc and I end up messing up my schedule even more.

- I don't like working in teams. I much prefer working by myself in quiet spaces. I absolutely HATE the open-space office I work in. I hate it so much that I often work on other floors to get away from everyone. This is really terrible- I actually hide from my colleagues because their presences overwhelms and distracts me. I much prefer working by myself. I would actually like to have a routine where I work every day from the same time, but have breaks at the same time.

- I like collaborating with other people. I don't like to be alone all the time- I like building meaningful connections with people. This is different to teamwork, which (in my mind) involves sharing similar workloads amongst a team. I prefer having my own domain of work that is not affected by other people's work. This is why I would like to become a coach. I work alone, but when I see people, we have honest conversations and build a relationship.

- I don't care too much about money. I would be happy with a middle class life, which is achievable for myself and my boyfriend. I would prefer to do a job I like with less money. At the moment, my current salary is far above what I would need to live happily.

- I hate tight deadlines. I find them extremely stressful, which then impacts my health. I cannot operate under stress. This is why my current job is bad for me- it is constant, short-term projects with a lot of factors I can't control. This is why I dread work and feel overwhelmed.

- I like work with human impact. I currently work in IT, and I am getting my accounting qualification. Both are very dry, and I find them very difficult to learn because they are of no interest to me. On the other hand, I love helping people solve problems involving other people- anything from romantic to in the workplace.

The Art of Asking

Have you ever wondered why some people always seem to make things go their way? If you want to learn the art of getting what you want, follow the steps below:

1) Do your homework

Before asking for a favour, always do your homework. People have limited time to spare, and they want to use their time as efficiently as possible. If you're asking them for something, don't expect them to do any work themselves. You should know the ins and outs of what you're asking about, and you should be able to answer any question they ask you. Make it easy for them to say yes.

2) Ask at the right time

No one wants to be bothered right before a meeting, or just as they're about to go to lunch. Speak to them when you know their full attention will be focused on you. If possible, it's best to book some time together and brief them beforehand, so they'll have an idea of what you want to talk about. If that's not possible, get to know their schedule so you can speak to them when they have downtime.

3) Know why you're asking

This is an essential step. If you are asking for a favour, you should definitely know why you are asking for it. People don't want to give up their time for something that you aren't sure about. When you ask for a favour, the first question people will normally ask is 'why.' If you can't come up with a good answer, you risk looking uncommitted and unprepared. If you can't answer this question yourself, you won't be able to compel others to help you.

4) Know how to do it

As the saying goes, 'don't bring up a problem unless you have a solution.' You should already have an idea of your plan after they say yes. As before, people have limited time and they don't want to do any extra work themselves. You should be able to give them an outline of their time commitment and role, should they agree to help you. 

5) Have specific examples prepared

People like to visualise what you are asking them. If you're asking them to provide their expertise, say 'the work is similar to what we did together two months ago on project X.' If you're asking for them to change something, say 'For example, in our meeting yesterday, I felt like I was cut off when you interrupted me to talk about Y.' Too much theory is uninteresting. People will have more personal incentive when you make connections to past memories. 

6) Follow up

It's easy for people to say yes in the moment, and then forget about it later. Remember- you are the person asking, so you are responsible for bringing everything together. My preferred way of following up is a succinct email, and chatting later on. Email allows them to mull over it in their free time, and speaking afterwards lets them know you want their commitment- in a friendly way! Remind them of your request, what their role is and what you'll require from them in the future. 

Conclusion

It can be awkward to ask for help from others, but it's essential in all aspects of your life. By following these steps, you will be fully prepared and feel confident when asking others.

Introverts in the Workplace

Introverts in the Workplace

Did you know that approximately 1/3 to 1/2 of the population are introverts? Introverts are everywhere, though it can be hard to find them in a culture that prefers extroversion. In a society where open desks are becoming the norm and teamwork is essential to most jobs, it can be hard for introverts to catch a break!

It’s important to remember that introverts bring their own unique skills to the workplace as well. Here are some common traits in introverts that can add value to the workplace:

1)      Introverts prefer planning over action

Nowadays, employees are expected to work to tight deadlines under a minute’s notice. Extroverts may be able to deal with the high-pressure, but introverts tend to freeze up. This may be seen as a negative trait, but it’s only because introverts prefer more planning time. We like to have the space to look through the whole problem so we can mull over it and create comprehensive plans. Sometimes our plans fall through and we need to work under pressure, but this isn’t always the case. Introverts tend to be more detail oriented, so if you give them the time to mull over an issue, you’ll be surprised by the ideas that come from this. Having a proper plan can save a lot of time later on.

2)      Introverts prefer socialising in smaller groups

Introverts get a bad rep for being anti-social or awkward, but this is just a perception issue. Introversion has nothing to do with social skills- introversion is all about how we gain energy. Extroverts gain energy from being around big groups, and introverts gain energy by being around small groups or alone. Workplaces place a premium on building connections, and people often take this to mean they need to build as big a network as possible. This is evident from the way we meet new people or socialise – via large networking events with lots of strangers, or bonding with people over drinks. 

Introverts have a disadvantage if you want to build a large, shallow network- we simply can’t deal with too many people. We do have an advantage with building a smaller, deeper network. Introverts prefer socialising in smaller groups, and we like building deep connections with others. The purpose of networking is to meet people who you can help, and who can help you in return. Having shallow connections will result in small favours, but having deep connections will result in large favours. People won’t go out of their way to help you if they’ve met you a few times at drinks after work, but they will go out of their way if you’ve built a relationship with them over the years. In the workplace, introverts can feel a lot of pressure to casually socialise with everyone, but ultimately we have our own way of building relationships which is equally important.

3)      Introverts prefer working by themselves

In a team-oriented culture, this can be seen as a negative trait. Working autonomously has connotations of not being a ‘team player’. However, there are definite benefits to working alone. Introverts are able to focus by ourselves- and from this focus, we get our best results. How many times at work have you had endless meetings, ending nowhere? How many times have you had to work with a team, but haven’t been able to start? All of these issues are eliminated when you allow introverts to work on their own. We are able to achieve incredible focus, which allows us to finish our work more quickly. 

Conclusion

There are a lot of benefits that introverts bring to the workplace. All these traits can be viewed as negative when compared to extroverts, but it’s important for everyone to expand their perspective and give introverts and extroverts the ability to work in the best environments for us.

Introversion and Confidence

Introversion and Confidence

The link between introversion and confidence is a tricky subject. All too often, we think of confidence as being loud, gregarious and having a strong presence. Introverts generally have none of these traits- we are often quieter, and prefer not to be the centre of attention. It therefore may be difficult for introverts to be viewed as confident, even if we believe we are. I call this the ‘reality-expectations’ gap, and I myself have experienced it- even when I didn’t realise it was happening.

I had a meeting with my mentor last Friday, who is a partner at the professional services firm I work at. We both identify as introverts, which is what drew us to each other. During the past two years I have been working, I have received consistent feedback that I need to be more confident. I believe this is linked to my introversion: firstly because I come across as quiet, which may appear to be unconfident, and secondly because I feel pressure to be more gregarious, which makes me feel unconfident. I asked my mentor how I should approach this. The advice that she gave me blew me away:

1)      Confidence Affects Output

When I was explaining my situation to my mentor, the first thing she asked was specific examples of how my confidence has affected my output. I’ve never received feedback explicitly stating that my output has fallen due to my confidence- for example, being too shy to attend a meeting, or being too scared to ask questions. My feedback in the past has always been very positive, and there has never been an instance in my career where I have been too nervous to do something. 

The advice I was given changed my entire perspective: confidence affects output. If your output is being negatively influenced due to a personality trait, it needs to be fixed. If not, then it doesn’t. In my case, just because I have been given feedback that I was not confident doesn’t mean I have a problem. Not all feedback needs to be taken into consideration.

2)      The Confidence Model

As I mentioned before, there is currently a gap between people’s image of what confidence looks like, and what confidence actually is in reality. Following on from the point above, just because other people may view me as unconfident, doesn’t mean I am unconfident. It’s important to understand why others think of you as unconfident- for example, they may think you are too quiet, or because you are hesitant to do things without a plan. Neither are inherently bad traits- they’re just different, and they come with their own strengths and weaknesses. Introverts are not well understood in society. It’s our job to push back against the image of what confident people look like and make people question their views.

3)      Accept your Personality

If you are an introvert, you are an introvert. You cannot fundamentally change your personality. You can improve parts of it, but there is no point trying to change everything. The most important thing, for everyone, is to accept their personalities. It’s essential to understand who you are. By doing this, you can learn what your strengths & weaknesses are, and start working to your best ability. 

In my workplace, there is an expectation that everyone should be a ‘Type A’ performer. The typical loud, brash, extrovert who gets along with everyone, leads groups and work under high pressure deadlines in a minute’s notice. This is not met, at all. When I first started working, I felt a lot of pressure to conform to this ideal. It didn’t work. All I did was drain myself and make myself unhappy. Now, I have a much better understanding of my personality. Although I still feel pressure to be this ‘Type A’ personality, I am better at resisting it. I know my strengths and weaknesses, and I try to find work that aligns to my personality. Knowing yourself is the key to doing better work. That way, you can move away from external expectations and begin to defy stereotypes.

Questions for myself...

Q: What does abundance mean to you and how abundant do you feel in your life right now? How could you strengthen your beliefs of abundance?

A:

To me, abundance means plentifulness, combined with a feeling of contentment. The word 'abundance' conjures up images of piles of fresh fruit and vegetables, waiting to be shared with everyone. I imagine an abundant life to be one filled with simple pleasures, such as a loving family, good friendships, interesting hobbies and lots of love and kindness. Not necessarily exciting, but fulfilling and meaningful.

I often think about how I feel about the state of my life. My life has been characterised by a need to constantly be searching and improving. Towards what, I can't describe. I have no concrete goals, like 'own a house by 30' or 'save 25% of my income.' It's a very intuitive feeling within me- a feeling of peace with the structure of my life. At the moment, I am far from this feeling, but at the same time, I feel excited that I have made some much progress towards it. I'm proud of the steps I've made, and how well I have gotten to know myself. I have the unlimited love of my boyfriend Ben, who I am so happy with. I have the support of my friend Angela, who understands me. I have my other friends, who have known me for so long and care about me. I have the financial means to do pretty much whatever I choose to do. I have my job, which I am not passionate about, but have learnt a lot from. I have my mentors, who believe in me and believe in my impact. So while there are definitely issues I need to work on, at the moment I do feel like my life is abundant and full. 

When I am in a positive mood, I look at all the progress I have made and all the opportunities available to me, and I feel energised and grateful. When I am in a negative mood, I look at all the things I would like to change and all the work I would need to change it, I feel lost. To maintain my feelings of abundance, I need to invest a lot of energy into my self-care. I have booked therapy lessons to help reconcile my feelings towards my family, and to help create boundaries and reduce my anxiety in my life, which is a significant step towards improving my life that I am excited about. I also need to exercise regularly and eat healthily. I need to reduce my spending and have a more minimal life, so I feel better about my financial situation and meet my savings goals. I need to spend lots of quality time with Ben, since he makes me happy. I need to see my friends regularly. I need to continue to write and work towards my long-term goals. If I do all these things, they will contribute towards me living a diverse and plentiful life. 

The September Issue

I'm embarrassed to say that I completely forgot to write yesterday! I haven't gotten in a consistent schedule yet (actually I have no routine at all, which is terrible) so it's easy for me to forget to write. Well, there's nothing to be done. The past is past, and it's up to me to continue writing.

I've been in a rut recently. I have absolutely no drive or energy. I feel like a slug, lying on the floor. My days are monotonous and I can't seem to get excited about anything. I'm not really sure what to do about this, except eat better, exercise more and try to get into a routine. Last week I saw a lot of people, which left me drained. This week I saw no one, which also left me drained. There's no big event that I'm looking forward to that gives me energy. It's up to me to fill my days with meaningful activity, but right now I'm struggling.

I watched the September Issue on Netflix today. It's a documentary on Anna Wintour, and how Vogue prepares for its September issue. This was the only thing that give me the slightest inspiration today. I love beauty, though I don't think I have great taste for myself. I'm not fashionable, and I don't have any style. Still, I find beauty to be very touching. I like looking at beautiful things, reading beautiful things and hearing beautiful things. That's why I like Memoirs of a Geisha and Okanokumo so much.

It was very interesting to get an insight into the fashion industry. I actually don't care about the fashion world at all. I don't know care about fashion week, look at the newest seasons of clothes or know about the 'it' models. Still, it was interesting to see what employees at Vogue actually do. The fashion industry is a big business after all, that generates lots of revenue and employs lots of people, so from that perspective I enjoyed getting a glimpse of how it operates.

I liked learning about Anna Wintour and Grace Coddington's personalities. Anna is a fascinating woman. She's very interesting looking, and she has incredible presence. People accuse her of being cold, but I admire her for it. Personally, I find it very hard to be reserved. I think I come across as nice, and sometimes unconfident. I am learning how to resist jumping into conversations unnecessarily to fill empty silences. Anna on the other hand comes across as confident. That isn't to say awkward things don't happen to her- they do, but she simply doesn't react. She is so confident in herself that she doesn't feel the need to fix them. It's very powerful.

Grace is the opposite of Anna. She's outwardly passionate about what she does, and she comes across as warm and caring. I love the parts where they focus on her choreographing photoshoots. Everyone says she's a genius, and they're right. Her photographs are imaginative and beautiful, like a dreamworld. I also admire her personality. Anna's personality is far from mine, but realistically I think I am more like Grace. One day I hope I can be the type of woman she is- someone who is warm and strong and enthusiastic.

Overall, I recommend watching The September Issue. It's interesting, and lovely to watch.